Gloomy Sunday
by Ealasaid
Summary: Another songfic. But this one's about Noin contemplating something.


Gloomy Sunday By Kakegaeganai

The song is performed by Sarah Brightman. I don't know who wrote it, unless she did.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Gundam Wing. Wish I did, but I don't. So don't sue me, because you will just be wasting your time. I have no money. Oh yeah, it is property of Sunrise, Sotsu, Bandai, etc.

I wake up, the sun boring into my brain. Is it already day? I doesn't seem like I had any time to sleep. The sun shines so harshly, even though I try to hide from it with black curtains. It always seems to shine through that dark fabric. I just wanted it to be night forever. People didn't bother you at night. Tired, I walk to the window and open the curtains. Blinking, I look at the crowded mass below, filing through the streets like cattle, as if it is the only thing they know how to do. It seems awfully crowded today. Is today special? I can't remember. All I can remember my fading memory of being with you. I can't feel you in my heart any longer. I cry silently, but people still notice my invisible tears. They tell me I will always remember. But it doesn't seem that way. Your memory is fading all to fast, and I can do nothing to stop it . How could I forget? It is as if you were a dream. One of those dreams you know you had, and you can't seem to remember all of it. You know it was there, lurking in your brain for those short minutes, but now it seems impossible remember. Yet you are unable to get it out of your mind, and swear you will remember. Will I remember? I look at the streets again. Everyone seems so pretty today. All in their... Sunday best. I use to like Sunday. We would dress up so nice and go to church like those people down there. But I don't like it any more. Sundays just remind me of you. One day, I said, will get married in that pretty church. But that was also another dream, left wasting in my mind. 

Why is it as if the time we spent never existed? Zechs... like the name never existed. Wind, Milliardo, all these names... but no voice to hear, no face to hold, no way to touch you once again. Why is life so cruel? Did God not deem me worthy of your love? 

"Was I not good enough for you!?" I scream, throwing my arm across the end table, causing the objects on it to crash to the ground. I don't ask for much. Just to hold you in my arms again. To be with you. If this is a punishment, then tell me please: 

What did I do so wrong? 

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Sunday is gloomy.

My hours are slumberless

Dearest the shadows I live with are numberless.

Little white flowers will never awaken you.

Not where the black coach of sorrow has taken you.

Angels have no thought of ever returning you.

Would they be angry if I thought of joining you?

Gloomy Sunday

I didn't do anything so wrong. I know I didn't. So why did he take you? He heaven so envious of my love that they take him, so that I may never enjoy his company until the day I die- I stop my thoughts 

"The day I die." I think. What if that is today? Will I see you again? I would to anything just to hold you again. Hear your voice. Do you hear mine when I call out to you? I do.

I walk to the kitchen. I can almost still smell the food you would cook for me. I was a horrible cook. I giggle slightly. You might not have been the best cook, but at least it was edible. Those were good times. But they are over now. I walk over to where we kept the knives. My hand shakes as I reach for a sharp, smooth knife. I slide my finger over the blade, cutting it in the process. Instinctually, my hand flies back off the blade, bleeding on to the floor.

" No," I whisper, " that hurts too much. This is not a punishment." I put the knife back, and put my finger to my mouth. " This is a reward,".

I then walk to the medicine cabinet. This should be painless. I grab a bottle of pain killers, and pour a handful into my palm. At least 25 pills. This has to work. Dosage is... I look at the back of the bottle. Two pills every eight hours. Yes, this should do nicely. Yet I hesitate. I went to church long enough to know that suicide was a sin. But it wasn't like I was leaving my family to cry about me. I don't even have a family. They all left me. They are dead, so why should I not be? No one alive wants me anyways. All I am is a pain in the ass. 

Why should I bother them anymore? God should understand my reasons. I shouldn't suffer like this. I'm sure He sympathizes with me. After all, _He loves me_. That's what all the others say. Well, if he loved me so much, why did he spare me? We both crashed in the car. 

A car, I giggle softly to myself. You survived all of those other times, even Libra's explosion, and you die in a car. How ironic. But why only you? 

Was it because he was in more physical pain than I? Was it so he wouldn't suffer? Well, guess what, you made the wrong choice. You made a mistake. You should have finished the job where you started. But God, don't worry. Don't trouble yourself with finishing it yourself. I'll do it for you! 

I swallow all of the pills, feeling them slowly slide down into oblivion. I wait. Why is it taking so long? Please, just kill me! I suddenly feel a sudden wave of drowsiness. I try to get up, but I am too woozy. I collapse on to the floor in the living room. I remember vaguely something I read, telling me how when people commit suicide, just before they die, they don't want to. I guess that doesn't apply here, because I feel so good now. As I drift into unconsciousness, I think to myself...

" Don't cry, my friends. I'm happier now..."

__

Sunday is gloomy

with shadows I spend it all

My heart and I have decided to end it all

Soon they'll be flowers and prayers that are said I know

Let them not weep

Let them know that I am glad to go.

Death is no dream, for in death I'm caressing you*

with the last breath of my soul I'll be blessing you

Gloomy Sunday

I wake up, the sun boring into my brain once again. Was it a dream? It must have been. I'm still here, still alone. 

But I am glad it was, for now I feel you in my heart. Now you may guide me. Will you? Or shall my dream become reality?

__

Dreaming, I was only dreaming.

I wake and I find you asleep in the deep of my heart dear.

I hear you whisper...

__

Darling, I hope that my dream never haunted you.

My heart is telling you how much I wanted you.

Even though I can hear and feel you in my heart, it is still a...

__

Gloomy Sunday

* This line doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Personally, I am curious why the "**_no_**" is in there. Oh well, I didn't write it. I do really like the song though. 

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So, did you like it? Hate it? Please tell me!!!! I really like feedback. It would be a nice gesture to me. I know you want to. E-mail me at k_chan85@hotmail.com. No flames, please. Constructive criticism is most welcome, though.

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